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Revolution #99

Once more with feeling.

Once more for the century. »

The North-South Divide

He hadn’t told her where they were going, of course, or why they were going there. He hadn’t even been thoughtful enough to mention that she should probably wear more practical shoes than leopard-print spike heels. Heels which now threatened to break off – or break her ankle – with every faltering step she took across the shingle. »

Exhale

Take a deep breath. »

The Cotard Delusion

Yeah. It’s been a while.

A few months ago I heard that the Grant Museum – the tiny, deeply fabulous zoological wunderkammer embedded deep in the throbbing heart of UCL’s Bloomsbury campus – was running a short story competition. The Grant is a delightful place, packed – and I do mean packed – with its curiosities. A three-legged quagga! Glass slugs! A walrus’ penis bone! A jar of moles! And that’s not even the beginning of an introduction to it. »

Memories of Hope

The Cotard Delusion, by Amanda Schiff

Pandora unboxed »

Tory robots and tubular smut

So the reading of i/o Error at last week’s Liars’ League went well: or to put it more precisely: the audience mostly laughed at the right bits; I had a whale of a time and there was even a bit of the promised love in the air, albeit that it faded faster than a rose from a Leicester Square flower-seller. »

i/o Error live

i/o Error is going to be read at the next meeting of the Liars’ League, which has a Love & Marriage theme. (You might recall that The Man With The Musical Penis was read by Martin Lamb at the corresponding event last year, to great effect – that’s why I submitted again this year.) Details after the jump. »

The Tree

A Freudian nightmare. »

i/o Error

ioerror

Insert Tab A in Slot B. »

Cave Canem

Beware! by Chorazin on Flickr

Biting the hand that feeds. »

Grey Is The Colour

GreyIsTheColour

You’re not singing any more. »

Why Don’t You Just

tomassumes

A leap of faith.

»

Welcome To Tower Hamlets!

towerhamlets

A guide to one of London’s least-known but most curious boroughs. »

The Puppet Wedding

Let no man put asunder. »

The Society Of Sleepers

The sound of silence. »

Last Trump At Malory Towers

last trump at malory towers

School’s out for summer; school’s out for ever. »

King Of The Rocketmen

How come no-one wants to know what I saw? »

the blowtorch and the blast furnace

»

The Heroism Of Colonel Pussy

Entrenchment (A message from Tommy Catkins at the Front)

Pussy by name, pussy by nature. »

Manna

manna

For what we are about to receive. »

The Queen Is Dead

the queen is dead

Life is very long when you’re lonely. »

28 Daytrips Later

plastic soldiers on parade

We’re all going on a summer holiday. »

In Your Headlights

Go forth and multiply. »

Lives Of Quiet Desperation

lives of quiet desperation

Of mice and men. »

Flittr

flittr

Tweet bloody tweet. »

The Reunion

Sibling rivalry. »

r-zero

rzero

Apocalypse now. »

huddle formation

huddleformation1

Run for your life. »

the bard, cut and mashed

Quill Bill - Quick-ass action, and a little bit quinky!

According to tradition, William Shakespeare was born 445 years ago on this day – and died on what would have been his 52nd birthday, in 1616. There’s no way to be sure about his birthday – he was baptised on April 26th, but that’s about all that can be confirmed. (Inevitably, some people have different ideas, just as they do about practically everything to do with Shakespeare.)

By way of tribute, here’s a cut-up of Sonnet 18 (“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”) that I made at the V&A a couple of years ago, and my Quill Bill wallpaper.

Courtship Considered As Twelve Variations On The Game Of Chess

All’s fair in love and war. »

The Lost Puddings Of London

Lost Puddings of London

Address given by Lucinda Graves to the Royal Society of Ethnogastronomes upon the publication of the first edition, 1928. »

And Baby Makes N+1

baby n+1

Parting is such sweet sorrow. »

Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing

The quick brown fox… »

The Black Dog

Like a wolf on the fold. »

The Loneliest Whale In The World

The Loneliest Whale In The World

One is the loneliest number. »

Damocles

damocles

Chicken Little was a gutless wonder. »

Running Without Scissors

No corras con las tijeras en la mano by PictFactory on Flickr

There’s never a pair around when you need them.
Five stories of lives, cut short. »

new! penis podcast now available

The Liars’ League have put up a recording of my story, The Man With The Musical Penis, as read by the redoubtable Martin Lamb earlier this month. Ideal listening for the office; you can get it here.

The Teachings Of Fernet Branca

the teachings of fernet branca

I sought enlightenment, and in a way I found it.
Or did it find me? »

The Man With The Musical Penis

Figleaf frustration

A story for anyone who’s ever thought they might be a furry. »

Overclockblocked

overclock1

Boy meeten girl. »

upcoming reading at the liars’ league

One of my more notorious stories, The Man With The Musical Penis, is going to be read by a Real Live Actor at the next meeting of the Liars’ League. (How can you resist a title like that? And yes, it does what it says on the tin.) It’s at 7pm on Tuesday 10 February at the Wheatsheaf pub near Goodge Street tube station in London. Do come along if you can!

Flight

Amelia Earhart

Up, up and away. »

The Unbearable Beings Of Lightness

the unbearable beings of lightness

Fair-weather friends. »

Baby Doom Wants You

baby doom wants you

Out of the mouths of babes. »

Vertigo

A story about falling in love. »

Trinity

A wrathful God. Artist unknown

Remember: “GOD” spelled sideways is “GDO”! »